OfficeSpace Syndrome Strikes Again
I successfully got reprimanded at work on purpose yesterday, just to prove a point. After attending two meetings and receiving notes from a third, it is still painfully clear that this monument to corporate amerika has a severe case of elbows & assholes syndrome. This particular disease is one where the afflicted parties are unable to differentiate one from the other. It also is commonly lauded as the �head stuck so far up your ass that the lump in your throat is your nose� infection.
But I digress.
The reprimand in question was one of those fun chain of command communiqu�s, where a manager advised a manager, who informed my immediate supervisor whom was then forced to confront me about my delinquencies. So what, you may ask, sort of atrocity against company regulations did I violate to warrant such a tongue-lashing? Inappropriate abuse and use of company resources for personal entertainment purposes while neglecting my delegated duties. Plain English; fucking off on the internet when I should have been working. This, apparently, is now a hot topic for yet another manager that has been rotated in to over see customer service operations in my building. Blanket compliance by all management level employees is immediately required and because I knew my fellow colleagues wouldn�t bother, I decided to make an example of everyone, up to and including my bosses, bosses boss.
This is not an approach to bucking the chains of micro-management I would recommend for everyone. In my particular case, barring an act of God that wipes out the entire upper management staff here, the bridge I would use to get promoted was burned down, long, long ago, so I have no qualms about utilizing methods that are sneaky, underhanded and make me look like less than a team player and would increase my reputation as a punk ass son of a bitch. It saddens me that I have been reduced to picking fights with the upper crust cronies just to get my point across. But this is war and in war you utilize every resource you have to gain the advantage over your enemies, regardless of how horrific the methods might be (thank you Sun Tzu). If you are forced into a fight, you always fight to win.
When the boss finally confronted me about the grievances, it went a little something like this:
�I admit, I am totally in the wrong and for that I apologize. However, I am curious as to why this policy is not being consistently enforced department wide? If I am going to be singled out for breaking these rules, then the rest of my colleagues should be singled out as well. How is it that I am the one being punished for completing my assigned tasks more efficiently and faster than my colleagues allowing me the down time that got me in trouble in the first place? Furthermore, don�t you think the managers should concentrate on fixing and or providing clarification for the problems and tasks that have been presented to them for the last 6 months instead of nit-picking the supervisory staff of the best team they currently have because I happen to fill my time by keeping abreast of current events on multiple news websites? �
My super looked like a freshly caught fish as her mouth opened and closed searching for something, anything to say in response to my rather poignant and strikingly accurate account of our current managerial farce. After several moments that were wonderfully uncomfortable for her and deliciously evil for me, I reverted back to my normal poker faced, fa�ade of a model employee and left her brow furrowed and mind reeling; my job for the day was definitely done.
Today as I prepared to leave, we had a rather long conversation about my happiness within the scheme of the company and what she as my boss could do to help me maintain a properly balanced workload. I politely let her finish her spiel before simply responding, �Pass on what I said to the big bosses and I promise to play by the rules and not push any more buttons.� She was once again left aghast at my blatant admission for purposely being an evil little prick, but as I left I saw the spark of understanding blaze in her eyes and we exchanged silent nods of appreciation.
You would think that someone who is willing to risk his future with his company and bringing up bold solutions and new ideas to department heads would be showered with praise and be given compensation in the form of promotions, prestige and an office with a door. But alas, some things never change and neither do people. I think my often over-quoted friend said it best, �YOU CAN�T HANDLE THE TRUTH�, especially when it comes from someone smarter, better looking, younger and with a better grasp of his managers responsibilities than they have. I guess people really do get put off when you make them look stupid in front of their peers.
But fuck, what the hell else am I supposed to do to fill my 8 hours at work; do my own job? Perish the thought, dearest of diaries, perish the thought.
The sun has finally shown it's face for the first time this week. I think, perhaps, the lack of sunshine might be effecting my normal sunny disposition.
Who am I kidding, I just hate my job.
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