Sit Ubu Sit. Good Dog.
**Editors note: I'm still having female problems, despite my best efforts not to. I almost fell in love, hence the following letter. In addition (not mentioned in said letter), I managed to piss off one of the women that is using me to where she probably won't be doing much talking to me any time soon. Unfortunately she might still go to Vegas. To make matters worse, the other woman that is using me for a sex toy is flying in a day after everyone else. Despite my best efforts to keep one or both of them away, I now get to deal with them together. I told you this was going to be a problem...
..as always, I digress...
***
Dearest Ubu,
I am wise beyond my years. In my travels to no where, the reasons how I have gotten here is because of learning lessons the hard way.
From the get go, I have warned you that I am nothing but heartache. I am a train wreck that has yet to happen and a mental tsunami that you don't want to swim in.
I spent five years embroiled in a relationship where I gave and gave and got very little in return. That's how I am, you see...a giver. You wouldn't really think it, with all the swaggering, boasting, ego driven layers I put in the way, but I am truly a nice guy. I give myself up completly to love, I let it overtake me and push me along to whatever course it may take. Over indulgence in libations and narcotics are not my only addictions.
I have a life I have been putting on hold for a long time and it happens for once that it is finally my own. Eventually there will be time for me to partake in such things and give myself over completly once more.
But not now, because now is not my time.
In case I left it out, I'm quite the selfish one and stubborn as a mule to boot. I am very much used to doing everything on my own.
Yes, you almost made it through and yes there is energy between us. A connection, a link, lost lovers from another time or a thousand other variations of this theme. None of this matters, becuase I can not give you any of this.
There are limits of what I can give to you, regardless of whatever potential there may be. I am truly sorry to say that you are too fragile to play my game. Instead of letting you find this out the hard way and for me to digress to old patterns, I told you right out of the gate what you were in for. I refuse to hurt you and decline to let this go any further; like I said before, 'I'm doing this now instead of later'.
I am not someone to wait for, nor will I make any such promises. I can offer you my friendship, grade school flirtations where I kick you under the table and make funny faces, a guide and lots of other words that you don't want to hear.
So...
Should you fight for me?
no
I want you to do nothing for me.
Take a chance if a pretty boy asks you out and tell me all about him.
Make google eyes at me and show me your piercings.
Yes I am willing to ignore the energy and no, I won't let you in.
Please be my friend...
Otherwise, I'll just break your heart.
Regards
Martin
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