How To Tell It's A Monday
Among my various duties, I am occasionally called upon to assist with responding to customer comments, complaints and various other issues that come through via our web site. Normally, these are folks complaining about service degradation, the navability and functionality of our site and various inquiries that the slow witted and impatient are unable to find after a few minutes of randomly clicking their internet interface devices.
Mondays tend to provide the best and most incoherent rants and raves. And on very rare and special occasions we get gems like this:
Call Date: 1 March,2004 09:19AM
Confirmation Number: 2004-03-01-0919-4803
Customer Issue
------------------------
Primary Issue: OTHER
Date of Occurrence: 03/01/04
Customer Information
-------------------------------
AWB Number: n/a
Account Number: n/a
Regular Stop: NO
Claims Call Back Info: NO
Contact Name: (Withheld for cm's safety and stupidity)
Phone Number: 2222222222
Company Name: n/a
Address: n/a
City: toledo
State: OH
Zip: 43615
Call Information
------------------------
Primary Issue: OTHER
Occurred at: CRC
1) Agent/Customer Comments:
To Whom It May Concern:
I must say that I was very disappointed that you decided to advertise in the pornographic issue of the 2004 Swimsuit Edition of Sports Illustrated. This magazine promotes pornography, since: A) Many of the models were naked on top, holding the bathing top in hand. B) Many of the ones that had on a top were see-through or completely wet, thus see- through. C) Some had their thumbs hung in their bottoms, implying they were ready to take them off. D) Models were posed with spread legs. E) Some models were completely naked, with a thin layer of body paint. F) Three were completely naked We have noted your support of such filth and will not be purchasing your products. Pornography is addictive and harmful to marriages and families. It would be better to support and uphold good family values rather than try to tear down society, since pornography leads to crimes such as rape and murder and sexual abuse. If you decide to clean up your act, stop exploiting women and harming men and families, please let us know and we may reconsider, but in the meantime, we will not be purchasing your products.
Sincerely, (NAME WITHHELD)
2) Dispatch Comments:
Any idea what to do with this?
thnx, TOL station manager.
***
After a lengthy discussion between myself and several other middle management colleagues we came up with a number of details we all found wonderfully amusing.
One thing that jumps out instantly is the attention to detail this guy takes in fully, completely and rather vividly describing the 'models'. In fact, I am going to go grab a copy on my way home just to see what all the uproar is about (at least that's what I am telling myself). Secondly, this individual appears to have a large amount of time on their hands. This email looks to be of the blanket sort, not custom tailored to any of the companies that actually advertised in the magazine and the bulk of the message just shows how much time this person must have spent staring at all the 'sinful' models. This person was probably the first of the meager 250,000 out of a half a billion people that complained about Janet Jacksons titty. And I would probably win handsomely if I were to bet that sexual intercourse is frowned upon in this particular household for anything beyond reproductive purposes. On a final note, this particular representative of the human race apparently spent more time staring at the semi-nude bodies and crafting his then he did researching the companies that he sent it to; my company offers a service and not a product which shows ignorance and biased in its most basic forms. Chastise those that you beleive are in the wrong without bothering to do your research. I wonder how our ingorant zealot anti-porn hero would feel if he knew that just last week, my coporate conglomerate shipped 250lbs worth of King James bibles to our troops in the middle east; free of charge? Sadly, dearest of diaries we will never know:
Dear Sir,Thank you for your feedback. We have forwarded your comments and concerns to our corporate offices and to the managerial staff of our advertising department. We appreciate the time you have taken out of your day to make us aware of this situation.
Best Regards
Some guy who thinks you are an idiot.
I had to fight the urge to include a link to here CLICK ME because we ship this stuff all over the globe. Alas, my urge to get fired will be by a means of my choosing and not becuase I sent a link for penal enlargement to a guy that obviously needs it.
Thus with a shake of my head, I once again slip back into the safe anonymity of a cubicle exsistance.
And yes, dearest of diaries, I SO have a case of the Monday's.
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