Panty Raid
Under garments have been on my mind over the past couple of days. It seems a number of people I know (who am I kidding, their all women) have recently went on unexplained sprees to obtain new and in most cases improved under clothing attire. In a lot of these cases, there is a trend towards sexy instead of practical and several noted benders where the ladies in question are hell bent on procuring matching tops and bottoms. And in two instances, I was lucky enough to be in the same general area as the shoppers and was invited out on shopping excursions to offer my expert opinion and advice.
I, of course, have made a few observations:
First off and foremost, I love underwear and not just these articles of clothing that adorn the female form (well that is mostly what I love about it), but I also dig my own. Personally, I have slinky silk boxers and an assortment of form fitting boxer briefs. And my collection of �daily wear� ones has everything from dragons and glasses of Guinness, to Scooby-do and smiley faces. Any time I am out shopping and any number of females I bring along to assure I am fashion correct happen to exclaim, �ooh these are SO _____(insert adjective here)� I will purchase them in a heart beat. The lone exception to this sort of impulse buying is any sort of speedo type tighties as they are A) VERY unsexy, B) Something you will find in my fathers underwear drawer and C) entirely too restricting; not allowing any room for �growth potential� (if you�ahhh�no what I mean).
But lets get down to the good stuff now, shall we? But first a disclaimer; I am not one to snatch garments off of clotheslines or out of dryers at the laundry matt. I do not sniff them, pull an Ed Wood and parade around the house in them, nor will I order dirty or used ones from magazines or the internet. As a general rule of thumb, they normally will have to actually be on your body to get a rise out of me, unless of course I have a pretty good mental picture on file of what you look like minus your outer-wear clothes. And in case I haven�t mentioned lately, I�m a kinky freak with a far above average sex drive for my age. End disclaimer.
You can call them what you want, lingerie, panties, underpants, underwear; it�s still rock and roll to me. Lacey, frilly, silky, see-through, crotch-less, thong, G-string, push-up or standard fit and any shade in the entire spectrum of color with the one glaring exception of white.
Ok, so white underwear exists in the female wardrobe and when I say white I mean plain white; no flowers or filly�s, just plain ole white. Solid white coloring falls in the same category of the full butt undie�s commonly referred to as Granny panties. While I am certain and well versed in the functionality purposes of both of these types of under garments, there is no room for these in my world. While there should be age and weight restrictions (large women and your 65 year old grandma for example) that should have to wear such attire the rest of the female world should be outlawed from purchasing or donning such garments. It�s sort of like a sleek racing bicycle; let�s face it some of us were just born to ride beach cruisers.
Fantastically sexy underwear can up the passion in a romantic encounter significantly and enhance whatever female assets are present ten-fold. But shit fire, don�t take my word for it; pop in a porno, visit a strip club, hit up a sex shop or for those that are a bit more timid, grab the Victoria�s Secret catalog and you will see what I mean.
And one final thought before I whip myself into a testosterone driven hard on; what is up with Corsets and Garter belts? I see these delightful pieces of lingerie technology at various locales, but have yet to encounter any female that actually owns them, let alone uses them. Time and time again, I pass these implements hanging on sales racks and even have made suggestions to various female companions about obtaining such items with no success and usually looks of disdain. Am I missing some sort of unknown knowledge about these garments that has everyone women I know shying away from them.
So who buys these things? Are the buyers of such garb, the same women that purchase S&M gear, remote controlled mini vibrators and sex swings? And if so�WHERE IN THE FUCK ARE ALL OF YOU HIDING!?!
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Also, if you happen to be one of these women�please contact me to make appropriate shopping trip arrangements as I am most happy to help you out (of your clothing that is).
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