Evolution
With the most recent debacle that has moved to the forefront of the public eye (if only for a day or two); I have found myself sitting upon a wall that the ancient Mongol hordes would stare at with envy. To either side lies discord and harmony, yin and yang and a decision that never really was.
I mention the election in passing based on my passion for the game, the nuances and details I absorbed and the decision I finally made that now ominously haunts me because 54% of my fellow countrymen failed to think the way I did. While I can not say I am better than those that disagree with my views, I am left with the feeling of being a minority because I have evolved beyond the masses of rabble.
At a point in my life, I was a misunderstood solitary figure, unhappy with every detail in my life. Very few I called friend, acquaintance or lover had any idea how to relate to me, let alone any concept of where I was coming from or how I got here in the first place. All that I knew and everything that had previously provided joy or at least kept the status quo in check had manifested into outings that I dreaded and social interactions that I agreed to with dejected sighs and groans of protest. Nothing short of a complete upheaval from everything I had come to know as my daily life could possibly pull me from the muck I had become mired in. I�m quite certain those precious few that anchored my sanity during those times of insanity secretly cheered (even if they will never admit it) when I finally cracked, closed my eyes and made the leap of faith and let the free fall begin.
Everything was done in over indulgence to the absolute extreme (the only way I know how) and everything was the key. I latched on to anything and everyone that was completely different than what my previous life had gown accustom to. No event was taboo and no social circle unreachable. With reckless abandon I tore through the streets and dashed from city to city and tried all manners of new things, including friends and lovers that were never previously consider or even thought to be within the obtainable grasp for one such as me. I believe such atrocities are quickly and easily classified as �being on the rebound.� Along the way there were causalities, but as our greatly re-elected mentally deficient President will tell you, �great risks do not come without cost.�
At an undetermined point in time, the mind will either heal itself or simply self-destruct and implode. Thankfully for yours truly, the cloud was lifted and I ended up staring at my blue colored ceiling in the comfort of my own room, rather than the padded confines of institution that caters to schizophrenic homeless men that refuse cups of hot cocoa or pander for change. I somewhat chided my own being (but not in a talking and answering myself sort of way) for going berserk like I did. Sometimes answers are so simple that an over driven mine fails to negotiate the simplicity and over compensates to extremes that tortures the mind; hence the term, tortured genius. Which was of course the key all along, so simple that the logic of a child would have been a better advisor than most of the adult population; �uncle martin, why don�t you just get new friends that like the same stuff you do?�
And now I sit, staring back at the evolution of my life, watching the growth and patterns emerge to such a linear equation that Darwin himself couldn�t have plotted better. I�ve surrounded myself with friends and colleagues that share my passion for all things intellectual in nature (even if a few of them are card caring GOP members) and share the same lust for life that I hold near and dear to my heart. Such revelations are not without repercussions as I ponder why some folks can follow my evolutionary path, while the vast majority simply fades into my rear view mirror? How can my parents possibly have survived these changes and still remain in love; or are did they simply repress these changes in order to maintain their status quo as two become one? Are me and mine now transformed into something beyond the comprehension of your average human to grasp?
The love aspect of this is the final piece of the puzzle. While everyone still falls prey to stimuli (it is the nature of the beast) and can be distracted, tantalized and in some cases seduced by plastic chests, Paris Hilton skirts, a chiseled chest, washboard abs and experience based references that have shown us that guys/girls like her could do things on a physical realm that causes a momentary short circuit of logic functions, for the most part, we simply smile, shake our heads and turn away from such callow beings. We all know there is something more that we need to survive than just physical gratification; to love and be loved, so our searches continue.
Is this our curse, our Achilles heel? To wander the wastelands of human meat bags and hallowed out cranial cavities as a pack of feral beasts that mankind simply can�t adjust to our superior ways, so therefore we are destine to be alone, but together, until our sub-level of the species is driven to extinction by trailer parks, churches and reality television? We roll together; to fight the demons and keep them at bay, but it would be nice for a change to have someone to hold my right hand, instead of just standing beside it.
I find myself sitting on a wall and the decision of which side I should leap to isn�t really a decision at all. I know that when I made this leap of faith, my fall was broken by those that will stand and deliver with me and that there is no possible reason for me to be standing on the wall and trying to part the masses and to find a convert in a Paris Hilton skirt and fake plastic breasts to call my own. Somewhere on my side of the wall, I can find the one that will hold my hand and never want to let it go.
I guess what I am trying to say, dear reader, is that I�m really looking forward to my date this coming weekend. Even if things don�t go as planned, the unbridled anticipation that dwells in my heart is proof of life and at least I know this beast still has a pulse.
Am I better than the rest? Nope; I�ve simply evolved past such things.
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