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For you, My dear

2004-11-26_xx_11:27 a.m.


For you my dear,

As you of all people should know, I am all about wanton acts of selfishness, simply because there are very few people on this planet that you ever should put yourself behind. It�s all about you as no one is more important that ones self.

But you disregard apathy and toss it aside in order to do things and sacrifice yourself for people that do not deserve the attention. You eagerly ignore common sense when it tells you not to waste your time and gleefully spend your energies on lost causes without a second thought.

You are one of the most selfless people I have ever met and even though you have earned every right to be selfish and conceited you never choose to do so. All you have done on your own, without the help of the outside world is truly something to write home about.

Stronger and more self-sufficient than any human being should ever be, you always give and ask nothing in return. You are an icon to strength an immovable pillar of sanity anchored in a sea of uncertainty and insanity. I have never met one person who can accomplish so much just by setting her jaw, squaring her shoulders and refusing to take �no� for an answer.

Imagine my surprise when during our telephoned conversation to convey wishes of holiday joy, your voice wavered, cracked and finally broke. The sob that echoed back to me was something I never fathomed hearing you struggle to choke back and fail to do so. In that one instance your mortality was conveyed.

I acted without thinking, placing my own finely crafted plans on hold and found myself dictating instructions that for once you didn�t question:

�I need thirty seconds of your time, no is not an option�, to which you replied meekly �ok�.

�Be out front in two minutes� and with that I disconnected without another word.

The attire was not a shock, seeing you in less than flattering instances is something that happens between friends. But the posturing was all wrong; shoulders stooped, shuffling feet, nose red and eyes swollen from tears I heard, but did not see. There was no need for smiles, exchanging of pleasantries or any words at all. I offered up the one and only thing that seemed appropriate under the circumstances and enveloped you and held you as tight as I could. There were convulsions and shakes, sobs and runny noses and a moment in time were one selfless act meant more to both of us than a dictionary of words could ever convey.

Your smile said it all; conveyed the thanks and acceptance that I knew you needed and I fought hard to keep as neutral as possible, because in this moment, if you would have looked into my eyes, all the things that I longed to say could have been plucked from their depths.

I am truly, madly and deeply in love; a thing far beyond the friendly bond that we share. I long to be the one who kisses your tears away, that warms your bed at night and picks you up when you stumble and fall. But more than anything, much more than the physical intimacy and emotional closeness, I want to be the stabilizing force that you provide to so many without asking for anything in return. If all that I have to do to make us both better people is love you unconditionally and without question, than this is a risk I am willing to take.

So this, my dear will be my last unsent letter to you that I will draft. There will be no more things unsaid and I will confess what I know simply because the dam that holds back the emotional torrent is near the breaking point and no amount of unsent letters and unspoken words could keep it from breaching.

There are no clich�s, no witty banter and no finely crafted sentences that could convey what I feel. In fact, the irony is not one lost on someone as verbose as me�
�When �I love you� is all that is left to say.


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