Death To Valentines Day
My hatred for Hallmark inspired holidays is a thing of legend among my faithful.
Boss's day, Grandparents day and Xmas just to name a few, but the one that I loathe more than all of these is Valentines day. Having one day out of the year set aside where you are supposed to be romantic and shower your lover with thoughtful gifts, floral arrangements, crappy chocolates and romantic intentions is just silly. If you are in a relationship where one day out of the year you remember to do a little something special for your significant other or the flipside, if this is the only time you expect such things from your better half; you both have issues that new lingere and dinner in a nice restaraunt can't possibly help you with.
I am of the humble opinion that such gestures of a romantic type nature should be done year round and the only day you should NOT be expected to be "on" with such inclinations is Valentines day. What better way to celebrate such a corporate driven holiday than by bucking the system and not conforming and following the rest of the lemmings over the heart-shaped cliff of monotonous doom?
Without further Apu, here is some Valentines day poetry that truly displays how I feel...
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss...Now the test will be to find amongst the rabble a woman truly capable of sharing such ideals with me.
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.I thought that I could love no other...
Until, that is, I met your brother.Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you...
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.Of loving beauty you float with grace...
If only you could cover your face.Kind, intelligent, loving and hot...
This describes everything you are not.I want to feel your kind, sweet and loving embrace...
But only as long as you don't take that bag off your face.I love your smile, your face and your eyes...
Damn, I'm good at telling you lies!My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife...
Marrying you screwed up my life.It's your face I see when I am dreaming...
Thats why I always wake up screaming.My love, you take my breath away...
What have you stepped in to smell this way?My feelings for you no words can tell...
Except for maybe, "just got to hell".What, you may ask, inspired this amorous rhyme...
Three parts vodka, two parts soda and one part lime.
I know, I know, dearest of diaries; you never can find a needle in a haystack when you are searching for it. You usually find it whilst rolling around in it and then it sticks you in the wrong place and exactly the wrong time.
...
sigh
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