Weekend In Review
Friday found me with the 'x' at the friendliest sex shop in town.
**And when I say friendly, I really mean it. The staff offerred to hold items of intended purchase at the counter, explained differences and suggestions between several items we were looking to purchase and even offerred up cleaning tips, witty coversations, a copule of good stories about return merchandise complaints and even tested the product purchased to make sure it worked properly.
After helping her select some slinky lingiere we browsed through gels and lubes, potions and lotions. Butt plugs that vibrated and some that didn't and a plethara of rainbow colored dildos and multi function vibrators. While I couldn't convince her to enter the 'dungeon' part of the store, we did stare longingly at the sex swing before she finally settled on a 6-speed clitoral stimulator that, according to the box, "can be worn during intercourse." And wear it she did.
At some point I had discussed with her why she had decided to get her freak back on mere weeks after declaring a 'no penis zone' for her vaginal crease. She answered honestly that the original vibrating device that I purchased for her could placate, but never replace the feel of a serious deep dicking. Her reasoning behind tapping me for her booty call and not her most recent X-boyfriend? And I quote, "you turned me into a freak and with the exception of him (the recent x) being able to pick me up and hold me up for extended periods of time, you do things to me he would never even think to do. Besides, you are a little better equipped downstairs than he was." With me ego vindicated, my weekend continued.
***
Saturday found me on the road up the parents cabin at 0830 to help in a little last minute moving and cleaning of their cursed cabin. On the trip to and from the cabin, my sister and I discussed in length the war and various implements of technology that the guvment is using to slaughter the peoples of Iraq. The neighbors my parents really like informed me that they were most happy to meet me again and that I definetly qualified to be interviewed for possible canidacy as their son-in-law. Their daughter being a drop dead gorgeous 21 year old beauty with breast implants and 2 semester left to get her degree in teaching high-school english. Apparently, my mother talks to them a lot about me.
The hip hop party saturday night was as lame as I thought it would be. A dozen hot chicks with perfect bodies and 30-40 dudes that I had nothing common with. All the women were either with boyfriends or friends with the one that was short, making my mac-daddy vibe useless. After having a half dozen whiskey loaded beers (told to me AFTER I drank six of them) and once the male stripper showed up the poet and I decided it was time to go. I predicted the one that was short wouldn't miss me for at least an hour; one hour and forty-five minutes after I left she finally called, by which point the early rise and moving of furniture all day had dictated that my evening was already done...
***
Easter did not go as planned. The sister unit and I actually cooked the family easter dinner as my parents, brand new, state of the art, digitally run, double oven broke. The ham came out fantastic, but the vegetable medly that the rents fried up made me quite nauseous as I despise onions and this particular side dish was chalked full of them. I suppose the hangover and back ache that came along with waking up on the bathroom floor on easter morning didn't help things either and probably explains why I made a mad dash and successfully puked in the kitchen sink. The family was not amused.
On a good note, I didn't have to go to church and listen to all the week minded sheep hoo and haa about god and stuff.
The rest of the day commemorating the stealing of Jesus's body was spent watching T3 and Pirates of the Carribean. Both were good, but I need watch them again as I have a couple of unanswered questions. T3 seemed to be lacking several important details in the plot line and was more action than story. As for the pirates, I'm still a little lost as to how the Black Pearl could move so fast with sails that were shredded? But I suppose these are the types of things you think of when you're hungover on easter.
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