Boo Fucking Hoo
The morbid cynicism that I have been displaying as of late is driving me batty. My normal barrage of amusing banter and humorous twists has given way to something darker. My writing has suffered greatly from this sudden mutation. All attempts save one at crafting pieces for submission for possible publication have been discarded in a chaotic temper tantrum of disgust.
While I have found moderate complacency in life, my soul still cries out. My normal knack for finding a laugh in even the most unusual circumstances needs some Chuck Norris assistance as my creative bug and funny parasite has gone M. I. A. on me.
I am used to creativity waxing and waning, Miagison, but it is perturbing me that I can�t maintain creative cohesion when I need it the most. There are a string of logical line items that point to the method behind the madness.
The holidays always bring me down for financial, spiritual and logic reasons. The first two that I am always lacking and the last something very few seem to display this time of year. The weather has been wreaking havoc as well; too many gray skies and cloudy days pushing away my sunshine muse for days on end. The addition of the family unit deteriorating and relying more heavily on me for support and the gaping hole in my emotional stability that I am lacking due to unsuitable or unavailable mates to hold me up when I need it most.
It bothers me that I�m co-dependent and loyal to a flaw. I�ve been on my own, metaphorically or in reality, most of my adult life. I curse those that taught me to love, placed my flaws on pedestals and buried my bitter views on everything with a kiss and a few uttered words of kindness. Mostly I hate them for breaking me and making me feel like a hapless child that actually must rely on someone else. But I also despise them for nurturing me, forcing me to grow and causing me to change so and then abandoning me without leaving behind the user guide.
How am I to maintain my Atlas roll and hold the world upon my shoulders if I can�t even stand on my own without a crutch?
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