Things To Do In The Desert When Your Equipment Is "OUT OF SERVICE"
Being an invalid for three consecutive business days, running a high fever and being down-right miserable had an adverse effect on my operating system and logic cicruits. You see, I was happy to be back at work, that was until, I actually got here and realized I could have been home watching March Madness and smoking myself stupid in the process (and getting paid for it).
But being trapped within the confines of your own living space, with no intertia and in extreme physical discomfort and forced into watching Commando twice in a 6 hour period made me a bit on the crazy side. I did manage to finally see all of Slingblade and Powder, remembered why I liked Flatliners SO much and in total, watched something like 24 hours worth of cable movies. I even managed to complete the first and only model car I've ever (sucessfully that is) built in my entire life. I will make you all jealous by telling you that the model was of Homer's concept car that he designs for "Uncy Herb" when Danny Devito guest starred as his long lost brother. This and more I did to fill the enormous void of time to try and not think about the fact that my penis has an "OUT OF ORDER" sign hanging off it.
You should know by now, dearest of diaries, that this particular endeavor was a quest in futility based on a slew of factors. In no particular order:
1. "Abnormal discharge" is called that for a reason. I might consider changing it to "Abnormal nasty shit that is not supposed to be coming out like that", but I'm certain medical professionals everywhere would cringe at having to say that to 65 year old men and 14 year old pubescent teens.
2. I am a king among perverts; I even got slightly "happy" during the nude scene in Commando.
3. I received not one, not two, but THREE mail order porn catalogs; one on each corresponding day of the week I was home sick. Prior to my mishap, I was actually in the process of procuring new "viewing" material and now these catalogs sit in an unviewed heap deep in the crevices of my closet.
4. Women...DUH! The list has re-expanded to three and they are all taking entirely too much enjoyment in torturing me non-stop. So let the torture begin... A) The one that is short is getting a new bedroom set delivered this coming (jesus, did I say coming?) Sunday complete with a new headboard that sports of all things, a mirror. She is quite eager to try it out. B) The Stripper has contacted me after a several week hiatus and wants to bring her bi-sexual (oh god, did I say bi-sexual?) friend whom will be visiting from out of town over to play. C) Finally, the 'X' wants to go sex toy and video camera shopping and shoot some footage of both of us, over an extended period of time. To add to the adventure (HOLY MARY MOTHER OF CHRIST THERE'S MORE?) she has brand new glasses that accent her sexuality ten-fold and has agreed to a number of very, very dirty things all in the name of home pornography.
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MARGARET THATCHER NAKED, MARAGRET THATCHER NAKED...
M A R G A R E T T H A T C H E R N A K E D ! ! ! !
I'm so fucked or more to the point, I'm not and there in lies the problem, dearest of diaries.
Holy Mohamed, Allaha buddha, I still have six days.
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MARGARET THATCHER NAKED, MARGARET THATCHER NAKED...
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