Be Careful How Deep You Look, You Might Not Be Prepared For What You See
Just for clarification purposes, besides my Saturday night coffee outing, I spent a lot of time discussing the nuances and details behind domination and submission sub culture (which there is one, in case you were also wondering). It turns out I�m a bit more submissive than I had originally thought and a hell of a lot more dominating than I anticipated. A couple of weekends from now I�m going to attend a fetish club that meets bi-weekly and find out exactly how much of a freak I really am.
Several years back, in the midst of my awakening a number of people had began to point out things to me that I had never fully realized. Unspoken languages that involved physical posturing that represented more about a person than dozens of conversations ever could reveal. The light was suddenly switched on and my ignorance of such things was banished in a flood of light. I pulled the chord to chase away the darkness, but instead of finding a single dingy, 60 watt light bulb hanging above me, I turned on a sun lamp that blazed so brilliantly I am often blinded by the amount of information I can now see. �The eyes never lie� or so I was told.
While in the midst of experimenting with not only my new found freedom, but also my newly discovered abilities, I met a woman that stopped me cold. While I was out and about playing marionette to whatever puppets I could pull under my sway this particular member of the species decided I was to be her newest stringed up dancing toy. For reference purposes and based on my latest literary obsession we will call her Dominique Fancon.
Miss Fancon could hold the same level stare no matter what the circumstance. I could charm her, wine and dine her; make her laugh, smile and even pull glimpses of envy and anger from her steady features. But her eyes never betrayed her, never gave any hints of who or what she was; she was a closed book, unreadable and it drove me utterly mad. Conversely she could pick me apart with a precision that I have waking day dreams of some woman some day duplicating. I would have sold my soul several times over just to get the slightest smile of recognition from her.
Regardless of how complex a problem my life would throw at me, Dominique would settle it for me with a few choice words and a wave of her hand. My most well thought out arguments on any subject were dismissed just as easily and I often found myself attacking taboo subjects for no reason just so she could humiliate and humble me. She took great joy in breaking me down and I quickly found myself looking forward to any time we spent together just so she could destroy me. And all the while, the same level stare was present, not a sparkle or glimmer in those beautiful green eyes to betray any part of her soul. She would chuckle and chide me for being too complex and chastise me for my insolence. It came to a point where I would beg her to break me and it was when we were most happy together. Eventually I confessed my utter compliance and undying love which was just as easily dismissed with a laugh and a simple, �of course you do dear, and if you didn�t then I would have thrown you out long ago.�
One touch from her would cause my body to burn with passion; a few whispers of breath in my ear would ignite unbridled lust. The savagery of our coupling would leave me completely spent and she eagerly and easily always managed to coax me back again and again. She took pleasure and delight in breaking me this way, always with the same level stare and only a few verbally spoken commands. I�m not sure how to properly explain this venture. All the frustrations she coaxed forth, all the built up feelings of anger would be unleashed in a carnal game of sinful pleasure. She did this purposefully which she disclosed to me because, �the one and only time you will ever be able to own me is when we fuck. And it is nothing more than this, something animalistic, raw and abrasive. I don�t want this out of love and I don�t want it out of some other emotional response. I want you to hate me when you fuck me because this is the only time I will ever allow you inside me.� And I complied without question to her every whim
Eventually she tired of the game and she escaped my desert oasis to greener pastures. The same cold stare was present when she broke the news to me, advising without emotion that she was leaving and I would never see her again. I sobbed for her not to go, tears openly on my face and she simply explained that I had learned all that I possibly could from her and to make sure I applied this learning experience to my life from here on out. Dominique Fancon told me that if I was strong enough not to be utterly consumed by her then there would be very little in life that would be out of my grasp and that I should aspire to achieve great things because she knew I was now capable of doing it. Without a backwards glance of acknowledgment, she left and I never saw her again.
To this day, I still can�t completely duplicate those eyes in every aspect of my life no matter how hard I tried. I have crafted defensive measures, walls and barriers that are put in place to make sure I don�t quickly lose myself in someone that isn�t worth getting lost in, but I find it impossible to constantly be so emotionally dead. I did, however, learn what it is to be the one that wants to be consumed. I can recognize the need, the �look� if you will. I�ve stumbled across random souls since and I have seen a mirror image of my own pleading eyes that beg to be broken, that need to be humiliated and that crave to be destroyed and built back up again. I have passed this along whenever I could, the complete an utter domination of an entire soul, but only when they truly ask for it. And it is then and only then that I can duplicate those eyes, the same level stare and state to them exactly what I will do, how I will do it and why they will let me do it.
It has been a good number of months since I have met a girl with pleading eyes and it came as a bit of a shock that my Saturday night coffee date literally screamed for such attention without saying a word. I will tell her exactly what I have recanted here, what will happen, what she will get out of it and why she will agree to every slowly spoken syllable and obey every degrading command.
I will of course, dear reader, keep you posted on how this plays out. Looks like this holiday season won�t be so bad after all.
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