Stainless Steel Existence
With the weekend dramatics over, another plodding work week trudges along. The temperature continues its slow downward spiral now hanging around the mid 50�s for the noon-time high. The nights are now choked with smoke from chimneys and backyard fire pits so even when there is moisture in the ever dry desert ear, each morning when I wake I can�t tell if it�s fog or smog hanging over my oasis.
Each work day I crunch my numbers and send off reports, updating spread sheets, programs and tick marking agenda items with dull colored black and blue inks. The final whistle blows or would blow if we had a whistle. Instead we watch clocks for hands and digitally displayed numbers to make that final leap to the quitting time increments. Why oh why god, does the last forty-five seconds of every work day take an eternity to march by?
Then it�s off to home or at least what passes for one. This space is merely a rented manifestation of a true living quarters; too small, too cold, too hollow a place to actual call home for more than period of 6-12 months when contractual obligations stated on the lease are finally fulfilled. The same recycled TV programming greets me to sedate and placate the masses into a false sense of joy and a hindering of actual desires; brain washing and media inspired mind control at its greatest. The same stale lights, tasteless food and plentiful amounts of legal substances to deaden senses and add to the carefully created subdued sedation of falsified complacency are always within easy reach.
I have been dreaming again, strange disjointed and piece meal visions plague me when I finally retire to my cold and empty bed. Images of people and places that I can not have hold or even touch without them shattering into unrecognizable shards of nothingness.
The second my head hits that pillow, I long for a dreamscape filled with tortured images. Death and destruction, pestilence, famine, war; why are the four horsemen not galloping through my nightmares?
I long for mornings where I wake up screaming or perhaps just not at all, because at least this would be a change of pace from my stainless steel existence.
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