House of a 1000 corpses, Readers Digest Version
It goes without saying that I had a blast on my vacation. In fact, I have PICTURES to prove it (no witty captions, but you can brouse Family Affair or House of A 1000 Corpses for the new stuff). I�ve written one overly emotionally charged, cryptically laced rant and 6 pages of point-by-point documentation in microsoft word. A brief synopsis:
It was nice to see my extended family, but they are SO Midwest, it was almost painful. Examples? My cousins bachelor party was at a bowling alley and bowling alleys regardless of what part of the country you live in, are just NOT happening places on a Friday night. When the best man caught me outside during a cancer stick break the next day, he let me know, that �DUDE! You SO should have stayed and hung out, after you left things got a little CRAZY!� Intrigued, I encouraged him further. �Well, we were hanging out at my apartment and we had some video gaming going on one TV and the next thing you know, Chris (no idea who Chris is) pops in a porno!� I waited for him to elaborate further, anticipating some sort of wild story about strippers, 3-foot dildos and possibly a sheep. But no, this was it, video games and a porno that, by his description, would be too tame for me to even think about adding to my own personal collection. �Damn, sorry I missed it!� I declared, while saying on the inside, �thank god I bought that 40 of PBR and passed out in my hotel room.� Too much excitement I tell you!
At the actual wedding reception, I put the entire family clan to bed, as in I was the last person in the ballroom and had to usher everyone off to their hotel rooms, up to and including the groom. I drank my alcoholic uncle under the table, forced most of my other relatives to stay up WAY past their respective bed times and even got my mother up and dancing.
The other part of my journey was one of those life altering, soul-searching, and mind numbing journeys to the center of my psyche. Despite my intense loathing for Michigan, I didn�t want to come home or go to the cousins wedding for that matter.
Part of the reason for my sojourn being so fruitful and intoxicating, was the fact that my life was still in my desert oasis and the out of sight out of mind thing; if it�s not there, then it doesn�t really exist. And upon my return and finding myself dragged into drama that I avoid at all costs, without any justification for being bogged down in said drama, reconfirmed what I had learned while away: I hate people more then ever.
And of course, no good story about long journeys, epic revelations and drunken debauchery would be complete without a girl. The only possible way that this part of my vacation could have gone any better is if she had taken me to the best steak house in town and then covered all three aspects of my pre-defined sexual spectrum and then made me beg for more. But these things did not happen in reality and likely will not and are minor details in comparison to the big picture. We both have our own lives to deal with and until something significant happens to bridge the 2000 mile difference between us, all we can offer the other is an understanding voice from the cellular devices we both wield and the ability to make each others separate lives that much easier to deal with.
The winds of change are blowing once again. In my case I suppose the direction has just changed, since things have been topsy turvey for nearly a year now. Downsize, minimalize and ostracize is the name of the game. Being me isn�t nearly so bad, although life is much easier when you have a shoulder or two to lean on when you need it. But it would be so much better if I had more people like you, dearest of diaries, conveniently located within the same time zone, because it�s all about finding the right shoulders to lean on and the sorting threw all the shit that passes for human beings to find the right ones are what makes life such a shit storm. I said it once and I�ll say it again and again, this city, and the human race in general, would be perfect if it weren�t for all the god damn people.
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